Why do my great relationships sour over time?

“Hey Doctor, why are my relationships so great and happy in the beginning and then it goes bad once there is a level of comfort and security in the relationship? This seems to be a common problem in my life, could you give me some general advice?”

Depending on your particular situation, I would advise one or both of the following:

  1. The endorphins released and the chemical reactions that takes place in your brain at the begining of a relationship are similar to the “high” you would get from other types of drugs such as cocaine.  Because you are in an “altered state” you tend to overlook qualities that might send you away otherwise.  After this has worn off and your brain is no longer supplying the influx of chemicals, you are able to see the person for who they really are.  Some people who suffer from addiction will chase this “high” when it wears off in search of a new relationship or extra-marital affairs.
  2. Once comfortable in a relationship we tend to replay the dysfunction of our parent’s marriage due to what we witnessed in our parent’s relationship growing up.  We subconsciously pick the same type of relationship as our parents had in an effort to repair the past.

I hope this gives you some understanding of why this happens even in a general sense. If you would like more specific information regarding your happiness and healthy relationships, please call our office for an appointment. We’re located in Metairie (504) 717-4043 or Mandeville (985) 624-2942

-Response from Therapist Dana Duet-Champagne